OAK PARK and Evanston, ILlinois | 708-289-3899 | nancy@lyricalhealing.com
"Don’t just be yourself, be all of your selves." ~ Joss Whedon
Let's listen to our inner wounded one, our inner Queen/King, even our inner critic.
Be yourself! We're all good!
And may your Best Self preside over the
domain of You with compassion and wisdom.
"It was the first time in my life that anyone had looked at me not as a lowly girl who was always disappointing everyone, but as a human being who had value." *
This quote is from a story in Parabola magazine about a Korean girl who felt different, unappreciated, scorned. Korean girls at this time were expected to become wives and mothers, but this girl wanted only to teach martial arts. Eventually she met someone who invited her to look him in the eyes (a forbidden act for a girl in her culture), which allowed him to in turn look deeply into her eyes. He sensed her dreams and schemes and lovingly affirmed her (counter-cultural) strivings.
This story illustrates how I want you to feel as my client; that I sense your dreams and schemes and honor them. I want you to encounter your own inner desires, find your inner Approver and say YES to yourself.
Photograph by Sally Mann
*Kim, Tae Yun, from "Seven Steps to Inner Power." Excerpted from Parabola Magazine Summer 2018.
Sometimes it’s easier to hurt physically than to hurt emotionally. Sometimes the low back pain, twisted knee or achy shoulder is less distressing than the emotions “behind” those symptoms.
Here’s an example. I recently had a very intense therapy session in which I felt feelings from my childhood that I’d rather not feel. I hesitate to even write about them. Not long after this session, I developed a strange pain in my right low back. I imagined a tumor, a pulled muscle, I googled the Quadratus Lumborum muscle, conferred with my chiropractor brother, asked a colleague for a trade, thought about dying from cancer. Then I noticed that I felt emotionally numb. I wondered… when did I start feeling this back pain… and what was I feeling emotionally?.... As soon as I realized that I was avoiding my feelings, that the REAL issue was emotional pain, the physical pain started to subside. The less need I have to distract myself from the emotional pain, the less physical pain I manifest.
What did I really feel? (And this is a great question to ask yourself at any moment during the day.) I feel shame. Shame for not overcoming childhood pain. Shame for not loving all parts of myself, after all these years, shame for not standing up for myself with the therapist, and shame for feeling anger towards the therapist. In the past few days it became easier to feel the back pain than to feel the shame.
How can I heal that shame? Feel it. Share it. Know that I am not unique. Have compassion for myself. Don’t expect the shame to disappear; what we judge won’t budge. Maybe spend some time just acknowledging and feeling the shame. Comfort the part of me that feels ashamed.
Our feelings can guide us. If we don’t feel them they may transform into depression, muscular tension, eating disorders, etc. Let’s listen, feel, and let go. Let’s prevent the headaches or heart palpitations or back pain; feel the feeling. Try this: notice an uncomfortable or tense area of your body. See if it’s associated with a thought or a feeling. Feel the feeling. Then, instead of jumping to a more “positive” thought or feeling, breath in that discomfort, that pain, that anxiety into your whole body! Breathe it in. Feel it. Then exhale it and let it go. Do that a few times and see what happens. Let it flow.
When we look at a plane, we see a sleek machine with wings. If we could see inside an airplane, we would know that most airplanes have more than one engine. Commercial airplanes have an autopilot option and flights often employ two pilots. So who is in charge and what powers the plane? It depends.
Similarly, our bodies/psyches can be powered and ruled by a variety of “engines.” So who is in charge of you? It depends. Is it your inner critic? Does she or he rule you? Or is it your inner child? Perhaps your Higher Self is in charge...until you visit your parents, at which time your inner child takes over. When we are encouraged to “think positive” or use the power of our intentions, which part of us is “intending?”
Perhaps we need to question the power of our intention. Can we really attract what we want by thinking positive thoughts or by chanting affirmations? After all, who is it that is chanting that affirmation? What happens when our conscious mind affirms that we are happy while our shushed inner child silently frets? If we continuously shush that inner child, he/she will get more insistent, more powerful. He or she will shout over the affirmations. Let's listen to our inner child, access our inner nurturer, let our capital 'S' Self overwhelm us with his/her innate optimism and positive spirit!
"Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once, beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something that needs our love." Rainer Maria Rilke
Let’s talk about demons and dragons. What are the dragons in your life? Who are the demons? We all have parts of ourselves that we are not proud of. How do we deal with these parts? Do we challenge our demons, shun them, or embrace them? Do we slay our dragons or do they slay us?
Maybe what seem like demons are repressed feelings or exiled parts of ourselves. We all have a part or parts of us that we imprison. This part could be a wounded inner child, or angry feelings, or a shameful memory. We hide those unwanted feelings or parts in a dark place. Unfortunately, the darker the dungeon, the angrier or more lonely or more ashamed they become. The spurned feelings get stronger. Once we get to know them, however, they don’t seem so threatening. If we attend to them, talk to them, they calm down and stop yelling. We can open the door, let them out, and find that they can actually be quite civil after a nice tea-time chat.
Maybe these feelings or parts are like histamine. Histamine helps our bodies fight off pathogens like cold viruses, causing us to feel sick. Our noses run, we develop a fever, we feel run down. We don’t like the histamine, the mucus in our nose, the fever, but they are our helpers. Similarly, our inner critic tries to protect us by criticizing us. He or she may believe that criticism prevents us from getting into trouble; if we feel shame about an act, we will probably refrain. How about our inner child? He or she may throw a tantrum, wanting attention, rest, or love. Our Shadow is another part of us that feels like a threat. But when we shun our Shadow, we project it onto others and lose a potentially valuable part of ourselves.
Our immune system, our Shadow, our inner child, our critic; all may make us feel sick, but it it a love-sickness; the phlegm, the criticism, the walling off don’t feel good, but they are our body’s and psyche’s attempt to heal or protect us. So perhaps what seem like demons and dragons are hexed princes. When we embrace our inner critic, tend to our wounded inner child, love each part of ourselves, the demons, like the kissed frog, become princes.
Jung said it first :-) -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvgmyaSTosg
